Kourtney and Khloe were not in Miami.

Despite the life fail that was my attempted flight to Colombia, I made the executive decision to make the best of my situation and partake in a two day Miami get away. After Fernando picked me from the hell hole that was the Miami Airport, I took the night to emotionally recover and slowly gather my fragile psyche. With 7 hours of sleep under my belt, I took off to explore the city. And more importantly, to find the Kardashian sisters.

Fernando dropped me off at the metro on the way to his internship and I began to decipher the area’s public transit system. While my skills lies mostly in obsessive research and planning of trips, I’m fairly directionally challenged. I was quite pleased with myself that I managed to at least somehow figure out how to get from my stop to South Beach. Also known as SoBe. “So you want to get to SoBe Papi? Just take the S bus yeah?” I was happy that the people of Miami (or at least the ones I talked to) were nice enough to clarify my route when I asked whether or not it would get me to where I needed to go. I also realized I needed to find more ways to slip in the words “papi” and mami” into my day to day life without moving to Miami or being creepy.

I took the metro (from Coconut Grove) to government center and hopped onto the S bus which took me over the bridge right into South Beach. The ride was pleasant for the most part but the woman next to me began talking to herself incessantly as she simultaneously hocked loogies into a bus route map and scratched at her face. I tried to think of her as just one aspect of Miami’s colorful populous. I got off the bus at Lincoln Drive, a popular spot for dining and shopping. It was pretty empty but with the copious amount of outside seating, it was apparent that Lincoln must be considerably busier once the sun goes down. I walked through Lincoln, down to the beach, where I simply took some time to soak in the paradise that is Miami.

While I allocated a decent portion of my day to getting tanned in the sun and self-exiling myself from the world, I did want to partake in some cultural adventures that would indicate Miami was more than the land of Will Smith and LMFAO. After a long, sweaty, humid walk down Collins Avenue (home of the city’s famous art deco hotels) I arrived at the local Holocaust memorial. I’ve seen plenty of memorials in my travels, but never before have I seen something both so haunting and moving. I won’t go into too much detail, but it’s truly something to be seen. I lingered around for about 30 minutes before heading to the botanical gardens for something a bit less sobering. Though, if you’re ever in Miami, take some time inbetween the clubbing and beach-going to check the memorial out.

After lifting my spirits a bit and taking some cliche pictures of exotic plants (how many pictures of a tree can you take before they all look the same?) I made the trip back down Collins to Espanola Way, a historical Spanish village that resembles Europe more than downtown Miami. It was a fun little area to explore filled with local art galleries, shopping, and overpriced food. I did stumble across a little Brazilian place with pretty affordable prices for South Beach. After stopping for food (be on the look out for NOMNOM#3) I checked out a few more galleries before heading back to the beach.

I walked up and down the shore looking for a celebrity, so that I could run back to this blog and over embellish about my celeb-encounter. But after a long, hard search of two minutes, I accepted defeat and resorted to a nice 45 minute rest on the white sands, nestled right next to the crystal blue ocean. I’ve been wanting to have a beach get away in Miami for quite some time and despite the circumstances, I would ensure that I soaked in the rays of the Miami sun. Satisfied with the time I spent being a tacky beach goer, I made my way to my final stop for the day.

The Bass Museum is Miami Beach’s token large-scale modern art museum but I enjoyed it none the less. In addition to the token mummy exhibition, the Bass included pieces such as (but not limited to): a CNN gold-bling necklace, a ceiling high amalgamation of bikes chained together, a unusually large amount of Jesus-related paraphernalia, and stills from a performance artist that placed 12 objects on a table next to her and allowed the audience either to “pleasure” or “pain” her based on how they felt. There was also a loaded gun apparently that someone actually tried to use until another member of the audience tackled him down. Weird shit. Anecdote aside, the museum was a relaxing way to end my sun soaked day in Miami.

I made my way back to the bus station and back onto the metro without a single sign of a spitting drug addict. Fernando picked up and we headed back to the house so I could prepare for my trip to Colombia the next day. If you don’t already know, I made it here. But as a middle school girl might say, everything happens for reason and karma rewarded me with a relaxing day in South Beach for my travels woes. Before I went to bed, I texted my mom and let her know I wasn’t able to find any celebrities. She replied, “look 4 those big-butt kardashian skanks”. Incredibly satisfied with her response, I turned off my phone and went to bed in my last night in Miami.